I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Boobs are out for the taking
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
