Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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