Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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