Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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