i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
