Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
