How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
