I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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