Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
