he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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