so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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