my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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