It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
