On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
