tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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