oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
