if you like me you must not know who I am
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
