i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
People in love make me want to vomit
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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