he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
