Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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