Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
