I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
