I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
