One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
