every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
