I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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