Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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