If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
