she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
