Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
