They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
