Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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