i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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