My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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