Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
