What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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