I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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