Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
