just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
