Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
