I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
