My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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