is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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