YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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