Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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