I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
