a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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