ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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