sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
