Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
