ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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