The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
