Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
