I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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