i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
