They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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